Words that Work: Transforming Your Relationship One Conversation at a Time

By: Marisela Torrealba

Communication is a cornerstone of every successful relationship. It’s through communication that we reveal who we are, share knowledge and culture, express emotions, connect with others, and exchange ideas and perspectives. However, communication is also one of the leading causes of conflicts, emotional ruptures, and family issues. For couples, the way they communicate can make or break their relationship.

Without clear, honest, and open communication, any topic of discussion can become a source of tension. Psychotherapy sessions often highlight this issue. Misunderstandings frequently arise from unclear messages, personal interpretations that don’t match the sender’s intentions, or unresolved issues left unspoken. Common habits that lead to conflict include avoiding difficult conversations to keep the peace, speaking impulsively without consideration for the other person’s boundaries, or addressing sensitive topics at inappropriate times.

Effective communication isn’t just about speaking; it’s about how you speak. It requires clarity, respect, and emotional intelligence. Assertive communication—the ability to express ideas, emotions, and opinions in an honest, direct, and respectful way—is essential. It ensures that messages are delivered without ambiguity, misunderstandings, or unnecessary tension. This involves choosing the right time, place, and manner to communicate, so that the message is received as intended.

Assertiveness is more than a skill; it’s a mindset. It strikes a balance between passivity (avoiding conflict by staying silent) and aggression (expressing thoughts in a confrontational way). Assertiveness fosters active listening, mutual respect, and understanding. Empathy, openness, spontaneity, and patience are all behaviors that enhance communication, but assertiveness remains the most crucial.

Practicing assertive communication can be challenging, but it’s a skill worth mastering. It’s not just about speaking effectively; it’s also about becoming a better listener. By observing and correcting unhelpful habits, couples can cultivate a healthier dynamic where both partners feel heard and valued. The journey toward effective communication requires patience and consistency, but it’s an investment in the strength and longevity of your relationship.

Quick Tips for Effective Communication:

• Be honest, clear, and respectful when expressing your thoughts.
• Choose the right time and place for sensitive discussions.
• Practice active listening to truly understand your partner.
• Avoid passive or aggressive communication; aim for assertiveness.
• Respect boundaries and remain patient during conversations.
• Continuously observe and correct unhelpful communication habits.

By incorporating these tips into your daily interactions, you can strengthen your connection, resolve conflicts more effectively, and build a foundation of mutual understanding and respect.